Not everyone knows our renting horror stories.. Since Bradley and I have been together we have moved 6 times.. We have been together for 7 years this month (2/25)
So first let me start off with how we met.. At the time I had just moved here from NJ (about 3 months before we met) I had taken a job at the Giant about 15 minutes from my parents house & I befriended Michelle ... one day Michelle and I went shopping at the mall then decided to go to a bar near her house that night.. Bradley was friends with Michelle's friends.. and Bradley and I hit it off immediately.. and after a 3 hour phone convo that night after the bar.. we have been together ever since ...If you ask Bradley he is going to mention dry humping in the parking lot.. smh. Anyway.. we weren't together long before I started staying at his mom and stepdad's house with him.. in his bedroom with the dinosaur border and dinosaur switchplate.. oh and the aquarium with no fish but with aquarium rocks and model cars... and I would like to also mention he drove a teal Geo Metro at the time I met him .
So some time went on.. we ended up moving out together and this started our adventures in renter's hell..
Apartment #1 , Catasauqua PA - "And then there were floods..."
Shelf life at this address: approximately 2.5 months
We found this super cheap apartment in the newspaper I believe.. it was $400 a month I believe.. the price was perfect.. the apartment..ehh not so much. However at the time Bradley was being "evicted" from his parents' house , so we had to take what we could get.. this apartment was about the size of our living room now.. I mean the whole apartment was about the size of a living room... a small living room... and speaking of which (a living room) this apartment didn't have one. it was basically a kitchen with a small carpeted area which our table just fit in, a very small bedroom and an even smaller bathroom. Besides the size of the apartment it was also about 3 feet or so under ground level. it was something else.. I don't remember all of the details and the time line of what exactly happened in what order.. because honestly I try and block it out.. and you are about to see why..
So first.. came the bugs.. drain flies to be exact. We started to be infested with these little nasty looking black flies.. that up close resembled very small moths.. so we started to do our research and found out what these little monsters were.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychodidae
(if that isn't enough to give you the heeby geebies.. I don't know what will ) So we stocked up on fly strips and draino and of course called our "landlord" (I use this word loosely) and he wasn't concerned at all.. these flies were everywhere.. it was a nightmare.. we thought.. it can't get much worse.. we were wrong.
Not long after our infestation of these little disease carrying monsters.. the skies unleashed.. it was pouring rain (just a basic thunderstorm with rain).. and Bradley was in the bathroom (shocker) and all of a sudden I look over at our door.. and water is POURING in.. I yell for Bradley and by this time.. the kitchen is filling up with water .. I am freaking out because the water is almost up to the outlet.. we try and call the slum lord and he was at a bar and wasn't at all concerned with our situation.. well I ended up calling the cops.. whom called the "slum lord" and made him come. Well long story short I gave him so much shit he offered the whole building just so he never had to deal with me again. Needless to say.. we were in the apartment looking business again..
Apartment #2 , Allentown PA (Center City, 10th and Chew) "We should have gotten renter's insurance"
Shelf life at this address : 1 year
In our apartment hunting we came across a beautiful historic apartment.. cathedral ceilings hard wood floors.. 2 floors. it was gorgeous & cheap and from what we heard the neighborhood wasn't "bad" and all of our neighbors were nice ...teachers at the local school ...
At the time we only had 1 car and I just started a new job so our new morning routine was a bit crazy ...crazy early.. we left the apartment every morning about 3 am - 4 am Bradley would drop me off at his mom's house and I would sleep for about an hour and then ride into work with Bradley's step dad (he got me the new job I was starting) So apparently so low life thieves in the area was watching us and saw our "routine" and apparently decided that they wanted to rob us blind.. it was about a week into living at this new apartment..Bradley calls me at work, he just got home from work and the door is kicked in and EVERYTHING of value is gone.. our dvd player..dvds... stereo ... (our tv was apparently too old for them to take) cash.. anything else they thought was valuable. They even were nice enough to eat our ice cream and drink our soda and leave the dishes in the sink for us to wash.. OH and they shit in our toilet and put a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet to stop it up.. Since we had just moved.. and we figured they robbed us once .. we should be okay.. we stayed with family until our door was fixed.. The landlord at this apartment was so nice and we decided to stay at the apartment and hope and pray this didn't happen again. It didn't however our neighbor downstairs was robbed blind the following week. So even though we weren't robbed again.. we were there for 2 standoff hostage situations right around the corner . Once our lease was up.. we started looking yet again.. for another apartment..
Apartment #3 , New Tripoli PA "The bird lady from hell"
Shelf life at this address: 2 years
This next place was perfect.. the apartment was gorgeous....in the country.. no worries about being robbed.. horses out front.. just beautiful..We went to look at the place ...the only set back was that there were "some" peacocks roaming the property and well the apartment was originally built on to the landlords house for her late ex father in law ...Well at the time.. we figured.. how bad can this be? We are out of Allentown.. its gorgeous ,the landlord seems normal... Yea... well we then discovered there was approximately 40 peacocks.. shitting everywhere.. and that our landlord was friggin insane.. long story short she would say things and then the next day totally act like she never said it.. our circuit breaker box was in HER house so if we blew a circuit we had to go and get her.. fast forward she "evicted" us for being late on our rent after telling us it was fine and that she understood our issues and we could be late...so then panic set in.. we needed to find another place asap.. we find a place start moving out clean the place TOP to BOTTOM expecting our deposit back.. well the bitch says.. she never evicted us and we are "skipping out" she refused to give us our $$ back... so to this day we never got anything back from this bitch.. but learned some valuable lessons
Apartment #4 , Tamaqua PA "Living with the inbreds"
Shelf life at this address : approximately 6 months
We found a cheap place ... it was pretty big.. that's basically the only good things about the place. Soon we discovered our landlords didn't feel the need to knock or call ahead they would just let themselves in to our apartment when they felt like it.. and our neighbors....ahhhh our neighbors.. were different.. the boys I am pretty sure were on their way to being on America's Most Wanted.. the youngest boy brought us his "pet bird" whom was pretty dead.. he also killed off a lizard and I believe another bird.. the older brother used to look at me with a rapist stare.. and we had a neighborhood crackhead that would ask us for lighters constantly after repeatedly telling him we didn't smoke. The kids upstairs would jump around all day and all night .. it was kinda like here at this apt except the loud people were above us. There was an incident too where b-b guns were being shot right near the apartment (mind you this was in the center of Tamaqua..so this isn't rural) called the cops.. they did nothing .. it was a whole lot of "issues" at this apt... also.. it was freezing in there the whole winter.. there was NO insulation at all.. Looking back on all of this.. all I can do is laugh.. but at the time.. this was such a white trash hell hole. So since we were on a month to month lease...we decided to start searching..yet again..
Apartment #5 Allentown, PA "Finally a normal place ..."
shelf life at this address: 2 years
We find the perfect apartment it's in complex.. normal neighbors.. reasonable rent.. the apartment is kinda small...but it was just Bradley and I and Miya.. so this was perfect..there was a pool...a little patio.. a washer and dryer right outside our door.. peace and quiet.. At this time we were getting ready to get married.. we moved in in February and were getting married in April.. so we were going through of a lot of exciting changes at this time and everything was moving along perfectly.. we got married April 3, 2010 everything was perfect for the 1st time.. we were in a "normal" home.. with NO issues.. fast forward about a month or so after we got married.. I started feeling sick.. primarily in the morning.. then I missed my period.. yep.. I was pregnant.. Even with my ever growing belly the apartment was still perfect.. we had some small issues nothing major.. then.. we had the baby shower.. and started to see how much stuff our little bundle of joy was gonna require.. now our perfect little apartment was becoming way too small.. we held out as long as we could.. the more Emma grew the less space we had.. the more stuff she needed ..the poor kid didn't even have a room.. we had no room for a crib she slept with me in the living room.. until right after she was 1...after being accused of having our dog wear "children's" underwear..and finding out that a 2 bedroom apartment in this complex was way too much for us to afford ... we started looking once again. Although this apartment was so nice and just what we always wanted.. we needed more space and couldn't afford to pay more money..
Apartment #6 Allentown, PA "Emma will have her own room..perfect!!...or so we thought "
Shelf life at this address: 1 year and counting
I found this apartment in the paper I believe.. it was hard to find a place with 2 bedrooms that we could afford.. a reasonable distance for Bradley to travel to work...(I worked from home at the time) ..that allowed dogs....a older lady lived downstairs that was in the transition of moving into a nursing home ...so we knew for awhile we wouldn't have anyone below us.. so we didn't have to worry about anything really.. everything seemed perfect.. lots of closet space.. a washer dryer hookup .. again Emma had her own room.. My mom had sold the rest of her property and moved right around the corner from us.. so it was all working out.. I had my mom right here to help with Emma.. and since the property that was sold was ultimately going to be left to my sister and I we got a portion of the money from the property being sold.. so with that money we were able to buy a washer and dryer and some new furniture..things were looking up :)
So the little old lady downstairs finally started to move.. and her apartment wasn't vacant for long.. a young couple started to move in.. at first everything was fine.. we were all friendly.. no issues.. AND then the issues started.. they moved in their chain smoking mother/mother in law ... then the noise.. ahh the noise started.. all hours of the night.. (and for anyone that knows me.. they know all about this ) there were cops called the landlord called.. and it's been a war since.. and also they decided to move in the sister...her bf and their 4 yr old little boy so in a 2 br apt.. which trust me isn't big at all they have 5 adults and 1 child living down there.. so imagine.. just imagine the noise.. and I swear none of them work.. and these people NEVER sleep.. OH and not to mention before we went on our vacation this past summer.. a car.. that's right a vehicle ran into our door. we were trapped inside our apt til the cops were able to get the car moved.. this happened the NIGHT before we were leaving for OCNJ.. then a little off topic.. but when we got back from our vacation I went back to work just to find out that the "vacation" time I took for our vacation wasn't "earned" and my manager decided it was best that I got docked all 40 hours in once check.. so after using all of our money on our vacation thinking I was getting paid for it.. we ended up being dead broke as soon as we got back.. awesome right?
While living here we got pregnant again.. and now our just right 2 bedroom apt is becoming way too small once again.. Bradley Jr will be here in about 2.5 months and I am dreading moving again.. but I honestly don't see this working.. there is hardly enough space for us.. as it is..
and right after finding out I was pregnant I got fired from my job.. so that also puts a damper on things.. lol
So stay tuned for our next adventure.. in renting hell.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Lazy weekend...heartburn and strawberry shortcake
Its Saturday...another lazy boring weekend.. Alex is here so this morning she watched Emma while I slept in.. I guess I needed the extra sleep..FINALLY the stomach virus has left this apt.. so no more cleaning up puke ...thank god.
Normal Saturday morning in the Stepp Residence.. wake up to what looks like toys-r-us or a daycare threw up on the floor in the living room..dirty dishes in the sink and having to pee really bad and now the heartburn is starting to last through the night into the morning & it's now..let's see...2:51 pm and yep still got it. lucky for the makers of generic Sam's club brand tums ...not so lucky for me.
I have been in the mood to write lately.. hence the blog posts.. but I find it hard to come up with topics and I am pretty sure this shit is as boring as watching paint dry so I don't share the posts on this blog really with anyone. I used to write poetry and have wanted to get back into that again. But have lost my inspiration.. as a young woman I had a lot of heartbreak and dumb decisions ... a huge darkness that fell over my heart for most of my teen/early 20s years.. now here I am 32 married ..stay at home mom at the present time to a 2yr old.. and now going on 29 wks pregnant with my son.. I find it hard to really write about anything that would be semi-interesting for people to read.. and then I ask myself.. is that why I write in here?? for others to read and be interested in ? or do I do this for me as some kind of outlet for a woman that has no social life, no hobbies and what seems like a lack of friends at times.. ??? It is hard to say.. It is even harder to think about.. but what can I do.. So here I am writing to myself about myself... seems narcissistic ..
I remember nights out.. nights that didn't end..went right into the early morning..hangovers from hell..walks of shame..eating meals out of cans (literally) ..I don't miss any of this..that part of my life is now over and that is totally fine with me.. but I miss that free spirit or crazy spirit whatever in the hell that even was. I never regret moving to PA, settling down, getting married or having children.. that really has nothing to do with this..but I miss my old self.. even the person I was when I first met my husband. I mean I did have a lot more energy and time for myself maybe that is it. I am not 100% sure ...
Let's go back.. 2010..we got married in April , April 3, 2010 to be exact. then a couple months or the next month actually I found out I was pregnant.. something I honestly thought would never happen to me for numerous reasons. I always secretly wanted to have a child but never thought it would happen.. and very thankful it happened when it did.. I don't have the best track record for my choice in guys, except of course my husband. But anyway... right after we were married I was pregnant.. so it was like we never had that honeymoon period.. I went from being engaged for a couple years and having fun with my fiancee' to being a wife... then all of a sudden a little plus sign gave me a new job.. now a mother.. me a mother.. I remember the disbelief of it all even after basically "knowing" I was pregnant for weeks before I actually decided to get a test.. I remember crying and crying and crying and be so scared shitless. Everything was gonna be different I just knew it.. but at that point I had no clue to what extent. I recently lost some friends was going through some emotional shit before I even got pregnant.. or at least knew I was pregnant. I was trying to figure it all out.. and here I am going on 3 yrs later.. still trying.
So as I previously said .. my life was about to be different..so much different. In a lot of ways it is definitely for the better.. however I still find myself yearning for the old me.. wondering if I can ever find my way back. During my pregnancy with my daughter I started feeling the changes.. the hormonal ones and the body changes and for the first time.. I had to start being responsible for another human being.. which was probably the most scary of all the different emotions I was feeling. Sometimes even now I still can't believe.. "I" am someones mom.. it's getting easier and easier to fathom though.. since this is over 2 years into actually becoming a mother and about 3 years since first becoming pregnant.. it has more than sunken in some days.. I absolutely love being a mother and don't want to come off differently but I really don't feel like myself anymore.. like I feel a total disconnect from who I used to be. I am imagining this has a lot to do with being jobless.. no social life like previously stated above. It gets hard some days when I don't have that bond that friend bond with anyone really anymore.. besides my husband.. On a daily basis my social life consists of talking to a toddler.. a lot of "no's" "sit down" "I love you's" then I see my mom which I enjoy being able to spend time with her.. but everyone knows.. that's not what would be defined as a healthy social life.. then later.. my husband comes home.. he's got a lot to talk about considering he actually leaves the house.. has friends that he sees on a regular basis..has a job.. a life basically outside the house. I used to be one of those working moms that even know I worked from home I still considered myself a working mom..I would think that it has be so awesome to be a stay at home mom.. not working.. and for the most part I was 100% wrong.. but it does get lonely especially when you don't really get out much. I am hoping that once the baby is born I can get a job that I don't despise and be able to get out of the house. I need that.. more than you will ever know. (generally speaking) All I really want is some kind of social interaction.. and yes I do have 2 friends that I do make plans with and have play dates with... but again...this is ONLY involving Emma.. I don't have times when I get to hang out with people without Emma.. and again I feel guilty saying this and feeling this way.. I do love being around her and hanging out with her.. but I really think I am missing out on having my own life.. I don't mean going out every night.. I don't even mean drinking ..or going anywhere.. just having girl time.. without kids.. maybe it is in fact too much to ask.. I am not really sure.. I do believe though if it weren't for FB and other social networking I most likely wouldn't be so hung up on the fact that this sort interaction alludes me. I remember back when I didn't know what everyone ate for dinner and or what they did this past weekend.. and shockingly I was okay with that.. and my life went on. SO I guess I am trailing off.. and to think this was the reason I can't read Stephen King.. because of his rambling and here I am.. with run on sentences and jumping from one topic to another.. Anyway back to my point..wait.. did I even have one?
I typically self analyze on a regular basis, I have come to the conclusion that I was so used to having options.. different people to call to hang out with..back when I was single.. without kids.. etc.. and now that I live over an hour from the town I grew up in .. I have decided that is the underlying issue...Now I live here..away from childhood memories.. high school..well not even high school friends.. didn't have many of those either.. I should say "after high school" friends.. and then this brings me to another point... a possible rambling thought.. but here it goes.. in high school I was basically friendless.. I had the typical "high school" boyfriend.. a best friend and a group of friends that changed almost as much as I dyed my hair.. which at the time...was a lot. I was categorized as a "freak" an outcast if you will and as I think back to my wardrobe and my attitude I can't blame anyone but myself.. I took the whole teenage angst thing to a whole new level .. and I had friends.. I did.. ones like me.. but sadly most of those relationships didn't last. A few people I had continued being friends with after high school a couple of people that were bad for me and some that weren't bad per say. Well not then anyways. So again.. I went a little off track again, but my point is this.. I didn't have the typical "normal" high school experience.. I didn't attend parties.. sports events.. I didn't go on my senior trip ... I didn't go to my prom.. I didn't do any normal high school things..and I think a part of me .. tried to relive that in my 20s ..so I was always a decade behind in my social life.. if that even makes any sense..
Basically I guess my point is .. I wish I had more of a normal social life in the past.. maybe I wouldn't yearn for one so bad now. and maybe just maybe at 32 years old I am having some kinda crisis....like a 1/4 life crisis or something... or maybe it's just the hormones.. or just a stay at home mom bored.. out of her mind. And I see people on FB that have normal friendships however they don't live far away from their hometown and had to start all over again .... maybe it's time for a FB hiatus.. and just keep updating my blog but I know a lot of people love my posts about Emma and my pregnancy but I can't help to think.. that spending an unhealthy amount of my time on FB helps my depression issues.. I did forget to mention above that part of my .. well basically my whole social life is online and that is so sad.. I actually feel bad for myself and want to punch myself at the same time.. however I won't punch a pregnant woman.
So here I am hours later.. saving this...closing the laptop.. tending to Emma.. coming back and writing more.. I can't help to think that this did help a little.. at least I got my thoughts out and it wasn't on FB ...less of a chance of being mocked and / or judged.
Normal Saturday morning in the Stepp Residence.. wake up to what looks like toys-r-us or a daycare threw up on the floor in the living room..dirty dishes in the sink and having to pee really bad and now the heartburn is starting to last through the night into the morning & it's now..let's see...2:51 pm and yep still got it. lucky for the makers of generic Sam's club brand tums ...not so lucky for me.
I have been in the mood to write lately.. hence the blog posts.. but I find it hard to come up with topics and I am pretty sure this shit is as boring as watching paint dry so I don't share the posts on this blog really with anyone. I used to write poetry and have wanted to get back into that again. But have lost my inspiration.. as a young woman I had a lot of heartbreak and dumb decisions ... a huge darkness that fell over my heart for most of my teen/early 20s years.. now here I am 32 married ..stay at home mom at the present time to a 2yr old.. and now going on 29 wks pregnant with my son.. I find it hard to really write about anything that would be semi-interesting for people to read.. and then I ask myself.. is that why I write in here?? for others to read and be interested in ? or do I do this for me as some kind of outlet for a woman that has no social life, no hobbies and what seems like a lack of friends at times.. ??? It is hard to say.. It is even harder to think about.. but what can I do.. So here I am writing to myself about myself... seems narcissistic ..
I remember nights out.. nights that didn't end..went right into the early morning..hangovers from hell..walks of shame..eating meals out of cans (literally) ..I don't miss any of this..that part of my life is now over and that is totally fine with me.. but I miss that free spirit or crazy spirit whatever in the hell that even was. I never regret moving to PA, settling down, getting married or having children.. that really has nothing to do with this..but I miss my old self.. even the person I was when I first met my husband. I mean I did have a lot more energy and time for myself maybe that is it. I am not 100% sure ...
Let's go back.. 2010..we got married in April , April 3, 2010 to be exact. then a couple months or the next month actually I found out I was pregnant.. something I honestly thought would never happen to me for numerous reasons. I always secretly wanted to have a child but never thought it would happen.. and very thankful it happened when it did.. I don't have the best track record for my choice in guys, except of course my husband. But anyway... right after we were married I was pregnant.. so it was like we never had that honeymoon period.. I went from being engaged for a couple years and having fun with my fiancee' to being a wife... then all of a sudden a little plus sign gave me a new job.. now a mother.. me a mother.. I remember the disbelief of it all even after basically "knowing" I was pregnant for weeks before I actually decided to get a test.. I remember crying and crying and crying and be so scared shitless. Everything was gonna be different I just knew it.. but at that point I had no clue to what extent. I recently lost some friends was going through some emotional shit before I even got pregnant.. or at least knew I was pregnant. I was trying to figure it all out.. and here I am going on 3 yrs later.. still trying.
So as I previously said .. my life was about to be different..so much different. In a lot of ways it is definitely for the better.. however I still find myself yearning for the old me.. wondering if I can ever find my way back. During my pregnancy with my daughter I started feeling the changes.. the hormonal ones and the body changes and for the first time.. I had to start being responsible for another human being.. which was probably the most scary of all the different emotions I was feeling. Sometimes even now I still can't believe.. "I" am someones mom.. it's getting easier and easier to fathom though.. since this is over 2 years into actually becoming a mother and about 3 years since first becoming pregnant.. it has more than sunken in some days.. I absolutely love being a mother and don't want to come off differently but I really don't feel like myself anymore.. like I feel a total disconnect from who I used to be. I am imagining this has a lot to do with being jobless.. no social life like previously stated above. It gets hard some days when I don't have that bond that friend bond with anyone really anymore.. besides my husband.. On a daily basis my social life consists of talking to a toddler.. a lot of "no's" "sit down" "I love you's" then I see my mom which I enjoy being able to spend time with her.. but everyone knows.. that's not what would be defined as a healthy social life.. then later.. my husband comes home.. he's got a lot to talk about considering he actually leaves the house.. has friends that he sees on a regular basis..has a job.. a life basically outside the house. I used to be one of those working moms that even know I worked from home I still considered myself a working mom..I would think that it has be so awesome to be a stay at home mom.. not working.. and for the most part I was 100% wrong.. but it does get lonely especially when you don't really get out much. I am hoping that once the baby is born I can get a job that I don't despise and be able to get out of the house. I need that.. more than you will ever know. (generally speaking) All I really want is some kind of social interaction.. and yes I do have 2 friends that I do make plans with and have play dates with... but again...this is ONLY involving Emma.. I don't have times when I get to hang out with people without Emma.. and again I feel guilty saying this and feeling this way.. I do love being around her and hanging out with her.. but I really think I am missing out on having my own life.. I don't mean going out every night.. I don't even mean drinking ..or going anywhere.. just having girl time.. without kids.. maybe it is in fact too much to ask.. I am not really sure.. I do believe though if it weren't for FB and other social networking I most likely wouldn't be so hung up on the fact that this sort interaction alludes me. I remember back when I didn't know what everyone ate for dinner and or what they did this past weekend.. and shockingly I was okay with that.. and my life went on. SO I guess I am trailing off.. and to think this was the reason I can't read Stephen King.. because of his rambling and here I am.. with run on sentences and jumping from one topic to another.. Anyway back to my point..wait.. did I even have one?
I typically self analyze on a regular basis, I have come to the conclusion that I was so used to having options.. different people to call to hang out with..back when I was single.. without kids.. etc.. and now that I live over an hour from the town I grew up in .. I have decided that is the underlying issue...Now I live here..away from childhood memories.. high school..well not even high school friends.. didn't have many of those either.. I should say "after high school" friends.. and then this brings me to another point... a possible rambling thought.. but here it goes.. in high school I was basically friendless.. I had the typical "high school" boyfriend.. a best friend and a group of friends that changed almost as much as I dyed my hair.. which at the time...was a lot. I was categorized as a "freak" an outcast if you will and as I think back to my wardrobe and my attitude I can't blame anyone but myself.. I took the whole teenage angst thing to a whole new level .. and I had friends.. I did.. ones like me.. but sadly most of those relationships didn't last. A few people I had continued being friends with after high school a couple of people that were bad for me and some that weren't bad per say. Well not then anyways. So again.. I went a little off track again, but my point is this.. I didn't have the typical "normal" high school experience.. I didn't attend parties.. sports events.. I didn't go on my senior trip ... I didn't go to my prom.. I didn't do any normal high school things..and I think a part of me .. tried to relive that in my 20s ..so I was always a decade behind in my social life.. if that even makes any sense..
Basically I guess my point is .. I wish I had more of a normal social life in the past.. maybe I wouldn't yearn for one so bad now. and maybe just maybe at 32 years old I am having some kinda crisis....like a 1/4 life crisis or something... or maybe it's just the hormones.. or just a stay at home mom bored.. out of her mind. And I see people on FB that have normal friendships however they don't live far away from their hometown and had to start all over again .... maybe it's time for a FB hiatus.. and just keep updating my blog but I know a lot of people love my posts about Emma and my pregnancy but I can't help to think.. that spending an unhealthy amount of my time on FB helps my depression issues.. I did forget to mention above that part of my .. well basically my whole social life is online and that is so sad.. I actually feel bad for myself and want to punch myself at the same time.. however I won't punch a pregnant woman.
So here I am hours later.. saving this...closing the laptop.. tending to Emma.. coming back and writing more.. I can't help to think that this did help a little.. at least I got my thoughts out and it wasn't on FB ...less of a chance of being mocked and / or judged.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Now the late period and mood swings make sense.. ahhh I get it now..
It's funny to read my last post.. and know what I know now ...
Well I am pregnant! Due April 16, 2013 and we are having a little boy!! Unfortunately I did end up gaining ALOT of weight already and I have 14 wks to go.. :(( I teared up a little seeing that I weighed 150 when I posted that last entry.. ahhhhh lol
Also I am jobless.. As much as that sucks.. and is stressful.. being away from that stressful job is def better for me.. especially with being pregnant.. I couldn't imagine going thru another pregnancy with that kinda stress.. without going into detail... I am pretty sure considering everything.. this pregnancy at work would have been a little more stressful.
So.. right now.. I am at home with Emma.. which is very nice.. and I love it.. however I am pretty excited to get back to work soon , probably after the baby is born. I will admit it is super scary being pregnant and getting fired.. but I am getting by and figuring stuff out.. I vowed for this year that I won't share personal information online anymore because I had some run ins with people putting me down as a person and a mother all because I made a joke.. so I am done putting myself in those situations. Unlike others that love to surround themselves with drama.. I don't.
Anyway, I have decided here.. at 26 wks and counting I am gonna start watching what I eat (not just watching it go into my mouth... but really watching what I eat.. )
This morning I had egg whites with green peppers and onions and spinach on wheat toast with my coffee of course.. trying to decide what I am gonna have for lunch. I have been volunteering at our local animal shelter by walking dogs, today I wasn't feeling too good so I didn't make it today, but typically I go every Tuesday and Friday. It's been a very rewarding experience... and part of my new years resolution to volunteer more. :)
I need to start exercising more.. that's my main problem, I am extremely lazy (aside from taking care of and chasing Emma around ) during pregnancy.. and I become pretty depressed and eat a lot.. so that makes for a big weight gain!! I will be honest and say.. I have already gained 50 lbs this pregnancy.. it embarrasses me to even say that.. so I guess it's not too late to make a difference.. hoping not to get up to the 74 lbs again that I gained with Emma & at this rate.. I am gonna be up to that again and possibly more.. I know people that hardly gain any weight and it makes me feel like such a pig.. but I seriously am hungry constantly.. and I tend to "eat my feelings " lol
Well I am off.. need to take the dog out and need to try and convince Emma to take a nap so I can get a shower lol
Til next time. XOXOOX
Well I am pregnant! Due April 16, 2013 and we are having a little boy!! Unfortunately I did end up gaining ALOT of weight already and I have 14 wks to go.. :(( I teared up a little seeing that I weighed 150 when I posted that last entry.. ahhhhh lol
Also I am jobless.. As much as that sucks.. and is stressful.. being away from that stressful job is def better for me.. especially with being pregnant.. I couldn't imagine going thru another pregnancy with that kinda stress.. without going into detail... I am pretty sure considering everything.. this pregnancy at work would have been a little more stressful.
So.. right now.. I am at home with Emma.. which is very nice.. and I love it.. however I am pretty excited to get back to work soon , probably after the baby is born. I will admit it is super scary being pregnant and getting fired.. but I am getting by and figuring stuff out.. I vowed for this year that I won't share personal information online anymore because I had some run ins with people putting me down as a person and a mother all because I made a joke.. so I am done putting myself in those situations. Unlike others that love to surround themselves with drama.. I don't.
Anyway, I have decided here.. at 26 wks and counting I am gonna start watching what I eat (not just watching it go into my mouth... but really watching what I eat.. )
This morning I had egg whites with green peppers and onions and spinach on wheat toast with my coffee of course.. trying to decide what I am gonna have for lunch. I have been volunteering at our local animal shelter by walking dogs, today I wasn't feeling too good so I didn't make it today, but typically I go every Tuesday and Friday. It's been a very rewarding experience... and part of my new years resolution to volunteer more. :)
I need to start exercising more.. that's my main problem, I am extremely lazy (aside from taking care of and chasing Emma around ) during pregnancy.. and I become pretty depressed and eat a lot.. so that makes for a big weight gain!! I will be honest and say.. I have already gained 50 lbs this pregnancy.. it embarrasses me to even say that.. so I guess it's not too late to make a difference.. hoping not to get up to the 74 lbs again that I gained with Emma & at this rate.. I am gonna be up to that again and possibly more.. I know people that hardly gain any weight and it makes me feel like such a pig.. but I seriously am hungry constantly.. and I tend to "eat my feelings " lol
Well I am off.. need to take the dog out and need to try and convince Emma to take a nap so I can get a shower lol
Til next time. XOXOOX
Sunday, August 19, 2012
It's been awhile
So it has been a while.. I can't even remember where I left off before.. I believe it had something to do with me losing weight and blah blah. Well to catch you up on that subject (not that anyone even reads this shit) .. I am down to 150 and holding steady.. even though recently I have had a mental breakdown.. been out of work due to it.. been put on (new)medication and have been eating everything in sight.. oh yeah and am going on week 2 of being late on getting my period. Oh yea.. and not to mention my car broke down.. and we are completely broke.. Now I feel so dramatic for crying about being broke before.. little did I know that was not even close to being broke.. I have been selling things Emma's old stuff to get $$ for things like groceries and what not.. Well enough of the 1 person pity party.. I am struggling with anything worth while to say.. gonna switch over to my blog about Emma.. that will put me in good spirits. so long for now
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
My name is Tanya...and I am beautiful..that's right..bitches
It has been awhile.. here I am back up to 165.6 and with a severe muffin top.. oh lord..I am fine with never being a size 0 ..however ..I would love to be a friggin 5..ugh.. So my plan is to start dieting again tomorrow.. I hate this time of year..It is sooo hard to stay motivated and lose weight.. between thanksgiving and christmas.. the delicious food and the lack of sunlight at the end of my work day.. I feel soo blah..95 % of the day . And I ate like 18 cookies this past weekend.. I am not proud of that.. or am I ? .. Then I watch ANTM and thinking to myself maybe..an eating disorder is in order.. anorexia.. nah I like eating way too much.. bulemia is def more down my alley.. (I can kid about this..because I have had both eating disorders in the past..so judge me now bitches) I am kidding.. half kidding.
But honestly.. the way that females are viewed in this society is totally effed up.. horrible. I have heard of several cases where schools have labeled children as "borderline obese" or just simply "obese" and these children are by no stretch of the imagination conventionally obese.. not even fat.. and by most standards.. not chubby they are pretty much your average kid. When I was little.. it was called baby fat.. and you grew out of it.. as you have growth spurts....you slim down..It saddens me that we are holding young children especially girls at such unrealistic standards regarding their body images.. Girls are already basically becoming anorexic before they get their period...now.. they are being told in 1st grade they are fat. Seriously? It is bad enough that we cannot see "Real" women in magazines..and how a lane bryant commercial with a curvy woman in a bra and panties cannot be shown on tv because of its "content" on the same channel that without a thought...will run a VS ad.. double standard much? a size 3 in a bra and panties.. is fine.. a size 13 in a bra and panties...is despicable. Curvy women unite.. let's get together and have a burger!!
I do think it is very important to teach good eating habits and exercise.. of course.. But to make a "child" worry about their weight..when it is obviously NOT an issue is detremental to their health.. more so then the extra 5 they packed on between growth spurts.. and YES.. there are kids that do have weight problems and YES..they should be addressed...and of course.. I understand there has to be a line drawn somewhere.. of course.. but seriously a children that looks perfectly healthy and are active..why do they have to be given a self esteem issue just because thin is in?
I have struggled my whole life with my looks.. my distorted body image and my hatred of my complexion..and this was something brought on by myself well with help from the media of course and this society's emphasis on being "skinny and perfect" ...but my point is.. I was plenty effed up without the help of my school nurse.. At my skinniest I was a size 0 and 120 lbs ..and that was with 2 eating disorders and lots of diet pills ..
so.. even though being skinny seems so great a lot of the time.. it wasn't all that great. trust me. I have came to the conclusion I will never be a size 0 again.. and oddly enough..most of the time.. I am okay with that.
I have stretch marks and saggy skin and my boobs have felt the evil clutches of gravity and breastfeeding .. (TMI?) but.. that's because I made a human.. I carried a beautiful little daughter in my belly for 37 weeks.. and I probably would have bounced back a lot better/faster.. if I didn't eat everything in sight while pregnant.. But I digress.. I have came to terms with my "new" body.. Just because my body isn't worthy of being in a magazine.. just because I won't be able to wear a bikini again.. doesn't make me any less beautiful.
So my daughter will be 11 months December 7...so.. it took all this time for me to come to the realization that this is my body and some days I am more okay with that ..than other days. But my point is.. I have been through years of hating my body.. and loving it ..then hating it again... (most of the time.. I hated it) Even though now I am not 110% in love with my body ...I still consider myself a beautiful person.. and not only because of what I look like.. I am a great mother.. not perfect but I do my absolute best...and dedicate every breath to my daughter.. I have ..in my opinion..THE BEST sense of humor..EVER..I have odd little quirks that make me ..me.. etc etc..
So from here on out.. I will be watching what I eat.. staying active.. but not killing myself to get thin. I am going to try and not dwell on my looks.. as hard as that is.. I will be trying my absolute best to not gain anymore weight.. but if I do.. that's fine.. I will still be awesome...as awesome as I am now
and remember.. fat people are harder to kidnap..
But honestly.. the way that females are viewed in this society is totally effed up.. horrible. I have heard of several cases where schools have labeled children as "borderline obese" or just simply "obese" and these children are by no stretch of the imagination conventionally obese.. not even fat.. and by most standards.. not chubby they are pretty much your average kid. When I was little.. it was called baby fat.. and you grew out of it.. as you have growth spurts....you slim down..It saddens me that we are holding young children especially girls at such unrealistic standards regarding their body images.. Girls are already basically becoming anorexic before they get their period...now.. they are being told in 1st grade they are fat. Seriously? It is bad enough that we cannot see "Real" women in magazines..and how a lane bryant commercial with a curvy woman in a bra and panties cannot be shown on tv because of its "content" on the same channel that without a thought...will run a VS ad.. double standard much? a size 3 in a bra and panties.. is fine.. a size 13 in a bra and panties...is despicable. Curvy women unite.. let's get together and have a burger!!
I do think it is very important to teach good eating habits and exercise.. of course.. But to make a "child" worry about their weight..when it is obviously NOT an issue is detremental to their health.. more so then the extra 5 they packed on between growth spurts.. and YES.. there are kids that do have weight problems and YES..they should be addressed...and of course.. I understand there has to be a line drawn somewhere.. of course.. but seriously a children that looks perfectly healthy and are active..why do they have to be given a self esteem issue just because thin is in?
I have struggled my whole life with my looks.. my distorted body image and my hatred of my complexion..and this was something brought on by myself well with help from the media of course and this society's emphasis on being "skinny and perfect" ...but my point is.. I was plenty effed up without the help of my school nurse.. At my skinniest I was a size 0 and 120 lbs ..and that was with 2 eating disorders and lots of diet pills ..
so.. even though being skinny seems so great a lot of the time.. it wasn't all that great. trust me. I have came to the conclusion I will never be a size 0 again.. and oddly enough..most of the time.. I am okay with that.
I have stretch marks and saggy skin and my boobs have felt the evil clutches of gravity and breastfeeding .. (TMI?) but.. that's because I made a human.. I carried a beautiful little daughter in my belly for 37 weeks.. and I probably would have bounced back a lot better/faster.. if I didn't eat everything in sight while pregnant.. But I digress.. I have came to terms with my "new" body.. Just because my body isn't worthy of being in a magazine.. just because I won't be able to wear a bikini again.. doesn't make me any less beautiful.
So my daughter will be 11 months December 7...so.. it took all this time for me to come to the realization that this is my body and some days I am more okay with that ..than other days. But my point is.. I have been through years of hating my body.. and loving it ..then hating it again... (most of the time.. I hated it) Even though now I am not 110% in love with my body ...I still consider myself a beautiful person.. and not only because of what I look like.. I am a great mother.. not perfect but I do my absolute best...and dedicate every breath to my daughter.. I have ..in my opinion..THE BEST sense of humor..EVER..I have odd little quirks that make me ..me.. etc etc..
So from here on out.. I will be watching what I eat.. staying active.. but not killing myself to get thin. I am going to try and not dwell on my looks.. as hard as that is.. I will be trying my absolute best to not gain anymore weight.. but if I do.. that's fine.. I will still be awesome...as awesome as I am now
and remember.. fat people are harder to kidnap..
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
and I quote...
Today I declare quote day... some reason I am really into quotes today.. SO here are some quotes that inspire me and ones that I just plain love..
In a gentle way, you can shake the world.
Mohandas Gandhi
Mohandas Gandhi
Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.
Victor Kiam
Victor Kiam
Expect problems and eat them for breakfast.
Alfred A. Montapert
Alfred A. Montapert
Friday, September 9, 2011
Relax? Sleep? Me time?
What are 3 things that I can't remember what they feel like????
DING DING DING.. COOORREECT
Well.. I am beyond exhausted and stressed out.. totally the stereotypical 1st time mommy. So when I complain or breakdown from lack of sleep I try and remind myself at least... billions of other women go thru this too.. Does that make me feel better?? Uh.. not really. But when I see her face ... it makes it worth it..
So now I am down to 171 or 171.6 depending on the time of day.. damn weight flucuating. I will admit I have not been counting my points.. BUT I do keep track in my head.. I basically have an idea of what I can eat and what I cannot eat throughout the day.. I have been slacking in the exercise dept though.. :( After chasing this baby around the last thing I want to do when she finally naps is exercise.. I have been trying to push myself though..
The best part of losing this stupid weight is getting my confidence back. I am feeling brand new.. its kinda nice. well more than kinda nice. It's great. :) Good stuff. I know I posted before about losing myself after having Emma.. which is still basically a true story but slowly I am getting back to my old-self. And I am getting pretty much used to the exhaustion and not having enough time in the day to do everything I need to do.....
With being a mommy.. I finally feel appreciated.. It's been a really long time.. if not the 1st time I truly felt appreciated ...she can't tell me.. But I know she does. :)
DING DING DING.. COOORREECT
Well.. I am beyond exhausted and stressed out.. totally the stereotypical 1st time mommy. So when I complain or breakdown from lack of sleep I try and remind myself at least... billions of other women go thru this too.. Does that make me feel better?? Uh.. not really. But when I see her face ... it makes it worth it..
So now I am down to 171 or 171.6 depending on the time of day.. damn weight flucuating. I will admit I have not been counting my points.. BUT I do keep track in my head.. I basically have an idea of what I can eat and what I cannot eat throughout the day.. I have been slacking in the exercise dept though.. :( After chasing this baby around the last thing I want to do when she finally naps is exercise.. I have been trying to push myself though..
The best part of losing this stupid weight is getting my confidence back. I am feeling brand new.. its kinda nice. well more than kinda nice. It's great. :) Good stuff. I know I posted before about losing myself after having Emma.. which is still basically a true story but slowly I am getting back to my old-self. And I am getting pretty much used to the exhaustion and not having enough time in the day to do everything I need to do.....
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)